Make Rodeo Less Unmanly!

I've never been a fan of rodeo. And it's not so much because it involves cruelty to animals merely for the purposes of entertaining a lot of insensitive humans -- although I suppose it's now clear that that is PART of my reason for finding it distasteful. No, my main reason for disliking rodeo is that it is so overtly UNMANLY! Change a few things, and maybe I would change my mind.
I suppose it could be said in some sense that I don't approve of the fashion. I mean I know that cowboy-gear was originally designed to be functional, but doesn't it seem nowadays to be as patently "costumey" as, say, a bunny-suit or a suit of armor -- something you might expect to see someone wear to the proverbial "fancy-dress" party? And, for that matter, isn't such gear just a little too reminiscent of ... well ... the Village People -- the whole theme of which was to be so cartoonishly manly as to appeal ... well ... not so much to the REAL MEN of the southwest?
But this does not capture my real objection. I mean YES, the fashion has got to go, but not because it's somehow unfashionable or ... well ... secretly suggestive; but rather because it undermines the "sport." It signals and represents weakness, fragility -- it unmistakably makes a mouse out of the man. And its not only the fashion that does this. No, for me to get interested in rodeo, a few MORE things would have to be changed.
Here are my recommendations:

• Bull-riding should be the only event. Why? Come on! Can a manly man prove himself astride a tame horse while roping a stupid, frightened calf? Even when he gets off the horse and wrestles the calf to the ground, remember: it's just a stupid, frightened calf! Now I know that bronco-busting (or whatever that event is called) surely involves its ... I was going to say challenges, but let's call them what they really are and really get closer to my point -- it surely involves its dangers, simply because a full-grown horse, tamed or untamed, is an impressively powerful animal. But a horse -- even an untamed horse -- does not have the ... well ... okay, let's get down to it again .. the fighting spirit, the seemingly-conscious competitiveness, the outright vengefulness, if you will, of the angered bull. Lose the calf, lose the bronc, and your adversary is happy to let you slink off at your leisure. No so with El Toro; and, as well all know, Mr. Bull's got those horns as well!
• Now, the fashion has GOT to go! What's Mr. Bull wearing? Not a whole lot, so far as I've ever been able to tell. I heard that maybe he's got something like a rope knotted around his nuts, but that's just ... well ... symbolic, I think. It's to inspire him, to get him in the spirit of playing THE BULL. And what's Hopalong Bullrider wearing? The whole Village People get-up, except perhaps without the hat! Now I know he can't be expected to go naked, and if he DID have to go naked, then ... well ... I'm sorry but that would NOT especially enhance my interest in the sport. But as Mr. Bull gets to wear his nut-knot, so I suppose Hopalong can wear some kind of fig leaf -- keep rodeo good, wholesome, televisable entertainment. And if he needs some other symbolic garment -- something to get him in the spirit of being THE RIDER -- perhaps the hat, perhaps the bandanna -- then I guess we could allow him that. But what's he doing wearing footwear?! HERE'S where manliness is most significantly undermined! Lose the bull, and a MANLY rider should have to beat feet -- sole on sand or sawdust or whatever -- in order to keep from playing the game Mr. Bull's way. Yes, lose the bull, Hopalong, and it's "Feets, don't fail me now!", because ...
• Send AWAY the Clowns! When a manly man loses the bull and has had his pre-set advantage neutralized, how does it look when, while making his undignified exit (and what else is he gonna do -- negotiate? dissuade? attack?), his "posse" suddenly takes to the field to keep Mr. Bull occupied and, in some cases, actually to help haul Hopalong to safety? That seems like a bitch-move if ever there was one. Come on, Cowboy! It's supposed to be just you -- and HIM! Either take the horns it like a man, or let YOUR desperate scamper be entirely UNCLOUDED by other distracting activities.

In short, I'm saying that rodeo would be more MANLY if it were framed more overtly as a competition -- and a FAIR competition -- rather than as some namby-pamby show of "skill." You want only to display a skill, there's a quilting bee in the next stall. Bring a thimble.